Trump’s First True Act of “Draining the Swamp” Seems to be Agreeable
By Kennith Doglog
President Trump nominated Benjie Bellson, a 28-year-old community college dropout, to fill a vacancy on the supreme court should another one occur.
While Republicans are currently in the process of going “nuclear” and bypassing a Democrat filibuster, Trump wants to have a backup plan ready. Democrats immediately met with the McDonalds drive-thru worker during a break in his shift, and after careful consideration decided he was the right candidate for the job.
Bellson has always been known by his friends and family to be the fairest. Growing up, when his two younger siblings were having an argument about who got the last piece of cake he was the first to establish the “one person cuts, the other picks” rule to make sure no one felt shorted. As he grew older, his friends would often come to him to solve arguments in sports, debates, and even about where to go to dinner, making him one of the most trusted young adults in the D.C. area.
When Trump finally moved his golden suitcases from his supervillain tower in NYC to the White House, one of the few things he refused to part with was the sweet nectar of McDonald’s secret sauce. He would demand that his limo go through the drive through at least six times a day, whether he was in it or not. When Trump rode through and spoke to Bellson, he always had a fresh Big Mac ready for the overweight president, and when Trump wasn’t there he made sure to give him something he’d never tried, but was within his palate.
“The kids got a good head on his shoulders, and I think that’s exactly what we need right now,” Trump said. “I mean, he knows me, I’d like to think I’ve gotten to know him, and I’d like to find a single Democrat who opposes him. When my secret service told him I needed to be on a diet, though I didn’t agree, he took some of those green leaves they put on a burger, deep fried them, threw in some of those little red ball things, and covered it with some of the secret sauce... magnificent. It was absolutely magnificent. I think everyone should go out and try it. If he can get me to enjoy my diet, he can fix America.”
When Democrats heard about this nomination, they jumped at the idea to make a fool out of Trump, yet again. However, after meeting Bellson they were confounded to find they completely agreed with Trump.
“He really does have a good head on his shoulders,” Senator Charles Schumer said. “When I asked him what a suitable alternative to a Big Mac would be he suggested a Fish Fillet. I would have never thought of something so outside the box. That is the kind of thinking we need in the Supreme Court. Besides, he’s a man of the people and way better than anyone else that lunatic is going to nominate. I just hope we can get to the point where we can vote him in.”
While Bellson may never see the robes he was promised by Trump in the McDonalds drive-thru at 7am, both Democrats and Trump himself are holding their breath to see if the rouge cashier will make his way to the big league.