Trump Revises Review of National Monuments, Vows to Honor His Own Legacy with Major Conversions

Rather than Give Protected Land Back to Big Business, Trump Plans Homage to His Own Great Presidency

By Kennith Doglog

After ordering a review of numerous national monuments in an attempt to sabotage the planet even further, Trump had a change of heart and decided that these lands should be preserved, but only if they preserve his legacy.

Towards the end of April 2017, Trump initially planned to review more than 25 national monuments to see if they could make more money using the land to drill for oil or natural gas. While the destruction of millions of acres of preserved lands is right up the alley of money hungry sociopath, Trump decided that he could find a better use of the designated land and monuments.

 “I’ve revised my review of the national monuments to include all them,” Trump said, “not just the big open oil pits covered with snakes in the middle of the desert. We’re gonna take a look at each monument individually and see what we can do to make them great again. This project, it’s gonna be huge. People are gonna be talking about it for a while, and they’re gonna see just how much better I alone can make this country.”

The idea came to Trump while he was watching Fox News and saw a clip of the Lincoln Memorial. At that moment, he decided that he has done more for this country in his first 100 days of his presidency than any other leader in American History. Naturally, his first revision became to cut the head off the Lincoln Memorial and replace it with his own head.

From there Trump looked at what national monuments would best fit his needs. Being a New York local, his eyes quickly turned to Randall’s Island, a small, park based island on the East River separating Queens and Manhattan.

“Randall’s [Island} is the perfect place for me to put my presidential theme park,” Trump said. “It’s gonna have everything; golden rollercoasters representing the economy before I came in, golden coffee cup rides, since this is America and we drink coffee not tea, and a golden Ferris wheel so big you can see Trump tower in the distance. Hell, we might even put a few of my towers on the island.”

While tax payers would have to foot the bill for the presidential theme park, Trump has set it up so he reaps all the profits from it himself. It would appear he has become so caught up with the idea and planning that he has completely forgot about the millions of acres of preserved land he initially planned on handing over to oil companies; a small price to pay for a theme park no one will visit.