Finally, Legislation Introduced to Ensure the Wealthy Remain on Top
By Guest Author: W. T. Fallon
In a press earlier conference today, President Trump announced a Poverty Prevention Plan, a piece of legislation designed to ensure the rich do not ever suffer the mundane life of the American middle class.
“Like many of you, I was disheartened by the economic disaster of 2008—obviously caused by President Obama,” he said in a press conference earlier today. “But anyway, I watched many of my friends from the country club lose all their money in the recession. It was tragic, a huge disaster! Have you ever seen someone listing a Ferrari on eBay? It was just heartbreaking. Unlike President Obama, I will never allow something like that happen on my watch. That's why I'm introducing my Poverty Prevention legislation, which I call the PP Act.”
Trump says his plan will address the root causes of economic downturns and poverty. “With the PP Act, no wealthy person will ever lose all their money to a housing bubble or a disaster of an economy. First, I'll implement bigger tax breaks for those making more than $500,000 a year, allowing the biggest producers in our economy to save more money for a rainy day. In the event that an economic crisis does happen—probably because of something Obama did—those same top earners will be eligible for an assistance program that I call my Real Initiative to Cure Homelessness, or R.I.C.H.”
The president adds this assistance program will only be available to top earners who make more than half a million a year, and who have suffered at least a twenty percent loss in their stock portfolio, or a fifty percent reduction in yearly income. “The program will pay enough so that top earners can keep their homes and cars. Never again will I have to watch my friends selling their Rolexes in a yard sale. But don't worry, my plan is good for everyone in America. When the top earners don't have to worry about paying their bills, they can concentrate on creating jobs and stimulating the economy.”
Trump admitted the plan will require an increase in taxes for the middle class and poor. “We all have to make sacrifices to prevent poverty. Additionally, in order to reduce fiscal stress on job creators, am signing an executive order to reduce the minimum wage to $5 an hour, so all poverty can be eradicated.”
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W. T. Fallon believes if you can’t say something nice, you should say something funny and totally true. She has few marketable skills, but is highly talented in the areas of sarcasm, satire, and snark. For the past several years, she has written for the local Gridiron Show, and this year she started a blog called Sharable Sarcasm. The 2016 election provided so many opportunities for humor that she decided to write her first novel, a political satire called Fail to the Chief, which will be released in September. She was recently published on The Satirist, and has been writing for Humor Outcasts since September of 2016.