Tom Brady Skips White House Visit, Would Rather Party with Obama

Despite Recent Friendship with Trump, Brady Realizes Who the Cool President Really Is

By Kennith Doglog

Tom Brady and the New England Patriots Super Bowl LI Championship Team were invited to the White House by President Trump to celebrate their Super Bowl victory, but Brady decided to decline last minute citing he had “family matters to attend.” However, not an hour after the cancellation, Brady was seen boarding a private jet with plans to meet up with President Obama to party in the South Pacific.

As it is well known that both Brady and Patriots coach Bill Belichick are not only supporters, but also personal friends with President Trump, so it was shocking to learn of the sudden change of teams for the star quarterback. Initially the plans were to meet Trump on Wednesday April 19, however a 4am drunk call by Michelle Obama convinced Brady that he would be better off drinking martinis on a private yacht with Oprah and Tom Hanks rather than spend the day taking periodic naps with Trump and the Easter Bunny.

“For a while I thought Trump’s lifestyle was the way to go,” Brady said, three mimosas deep on his private jet, “but after seeing what Obama is up to post-presidency, it just seems right ya know. Why do I need to take my shoes off and sit on furniture covered with plastic talking about a wall that’s never going to get built when I could be naked doing beer bongs while Bruce-Fucking-Springsteen jams on the deck in front of me? I mean come on, this is why you go into sports.”

Belichick has yet to respond to the actions of his star quarterback, but other teammates seem to be disappointed by his abandoning. None of them are upset that he is ditching Trump, however they are all a bit disgruntled that none of them were invited. Brady reassured his teammate Julian Edelman that once he was “in” with the President he would begin to invite others along on their surreal excursions.

Trump, however, did not seem too pleased with Brady’s audible. While he did not condemn Brady for his actions, it is clear that he President was hurt.

“He’s an adult and can do what he wants,” Trump said, trying to hold back the tears. “Listen, all I can say is maybe by the time he gets back the laws will be a bit different, and he might have a tough time making it to New England for first few games of 2017. I’m not threatening him or anything, but I wouldn’t bet on the Patriots this year if I was into that kind of thing.”