President Obama Had Nothing to do With Wiretapping, Biden is Not So Innocent
By Kennith Doglog
President Trump has been accusing President Obama of wiretapping Trump Towers prior to the 2016 election with zero evidence, a move that pushes him even further above the line of paranoid lunatic. However, recent leaks have revealed that Trump isn’t as insane about this one as he is about literally every other thing, as Vice-president Biden has been busted tappin’ those hot wires.
It was revealed earlier today that Biden was in fact behind wiretapping Trump Towers, and not only phones in the executive suites. Biden would take the Amtrak up late Friday nights to begin his work, suspiciously telling friends and loved ones that he was taking a late-night class on how ice cream was made. He would then dress up as a bus boy, sometimes even performing their duties bringing bags up to rooms in exchange for tips, and break into each room one by one until the entire building was tapped.
When asked about the allegations, Biden openly admitted it. He said it began as investigatory work to figure out where the little shampoo bottles came from, but then became much more.
“It turns out they get those little shampoo bottles from the basement,” Biden said, “but I’m still not sure where those mini liquor bottles come from. But seriously, it was all in good fun. I’ve always kind of wanted to be a spy and do something that got my hands dirty, so when I saw how bad Trump was at keeping people out of places I just went for it. I feel like a white James Bond.”
Biden believes that this experience has changed him as a person, and has even considered buying a motorcycle and loitering out his local dry cleaner. In regards to the wiretapping issue, despite having his phone tapped for months, the only thing he learned about Trump is the fact that he always requests “those tiny lobster forks” instead of the regular ones for his meals.
Biden will not face any charges for his actions, as having to ride Amtrak and not discovering where the tiny liquor bottles comes from seems to be punishment enough to the Trump administration. With the leftover wire, Biden plans on making a sculpture depicting Obama holding a baby deer as a tribute to his good nature and love for Disney’s “Bambi.”