The Trump Administration Has Been Unsuccessfully Tracking Her Since Late Tuesday Night
By Kennith Doglog
Following her tweet releasing President Trump’s 2005 tax returns, MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow retreated to the hills when word got out that the Trump administration planned on tracking her and making a public display out of her going against the White House.
The controversy of Trump not releasing his tax returns has been discussed since the voters demanded that the public see them during the presidential primaries, however until now they have not been released at all. Almost immediately after Maddow released the tax returns, a memo was sent out around the White House that she be detained and made an example of. While the memo was unclear about what that meant, many are speculating it to be some sort of tar and feathering in the D.C. town square based on how many chickens were brought to the White House later that night.
Maddow hopped into her ’99 Subaru and fled as soon as she heard word of the private memo, telling only a few trusted colleagues of her whereabouts so they could restock her with cliff bars and green tea if need be. One of which happened to be her long time special event co-anchor Brian Williams.
“Honestly, I’d be surprised if they found her,” Williams said. “That Maddow is a crafty one. She’s been preparing for a moment like this for years, and has been putting 5% of her annual paycheck into decking out her hideout cave. It really is a nice cave, it’s got everything you need from a customized LA Lakers minifridge to those wonderful sharper image massage chairs. I’m not sure why she didn’t do this years ago.”
The Trump administration have assigned 1,200 National Guard members and a team of police dogs to search for her. Based on interrogations with friends and family they believe her to be somewhere either in the Blue Ridge or Rocky Mountains. They are considering bombing the mountains and just getting rid of her all together, while hopefully finding oil under them, however they have yet to come up with a distraction for the public to pull that off.
Maddow’s family expects her to be in hiding for well over three months, providing Trump does not give up before then. They are confident that she will not be found, as she started the “extreme hide ‘n’ seek” club at her college, and was the school champion for all four years. Her mother believes that there are still people looking for her at the old campus library, which does not bode well for Trump.