In an Unfortunate Mix-Up, A Live Seal Was Brought to the SOTU Rather Than Anticipated NAVY SEAL
By Kennith Doglog
To say that President Trump’s first month in office was a bit rocky would be a nonsensical understatement, and things just seem to be getting worse for the administration (as well as the country) as the president’s team accidentally invited a live seal to the State of the Union Address rather than the intended NAVY SEAL.
The stage was set for Trump’s first public speech since his inauguration. Republicans were getting prepared to sit, then stand, then sit, then stand as their hands grew raw from clapping for hours while everyone else braced themselves to get through the night as if it were the yearly required visit to Great-Aunt Darcy’s retirement home to stay in the will. Everything seemed to be in place, until one of the guests of honor to be featured in Trump’s speech showed up: Lieutenant Dan.
While it is unclear who is to blame for the confusion, it is certain that someone will be fired for this horrific blunder. Lt. Dan Caspian, a NAVY SEAL, was to be honored by President Trump towards the end of his speech. However, just minutes before the speech was about to begin, a large tractor trailer from SeaWorld arrived containing a tank with one of their hottest attractions: a feisty seal named Lt. Dan.
“The entire thing is just a haze,” said Jared Licksmere, a member of Trump’s team designated to help oversee guest relations for the SOTU. “There were a few obvious warning signs. The excessive amount of water and buckets of dead fish requested by the Lieutenant were definitely the big ones. When his secretary asked if he would be required to do any stunts, everyone thought it was odd but just assumed that he would be doing some sort of NAVY SEAL skills boot camp run through or something.”
SeaWorld was delighted and astonished to have Trump honor one of their main attractions in his speech, so to ease the blow when they found out that they did not in fact want him anywhere near the joint Congress Trump agreed to take a few pictures with the wet lieutenant. He was then brought to the afterparty at the Marriot where members of Congress, both Democrats and Republicans alike, spent hours playing with him at their private pool party.