Obaumatron Rex

Obama, Branson Start New Hip-Hop Label

By Kennith Doglog

Reports of President Obama gallivanting around billionaire Richard Branson’s private island wearing a backwards hat have been sweeping the news cycle in the last week, but details have come out that Obama was not there for a vacation in any sense of the word.

While most people who just spent the past eight years of their lives barely sleeping and constantly worrying about the fate of the free would probably take a break, the word “relax” does not seem to appear in President Obamas enormous, double spaced dictionary. Those who know him well state that since finishing his second term as president he has decided not to miss a beat (literally) and focus on a few projects that leading the country got in the way of. One of which happens to be finally releasing that mix tape we’ve all been waiting ever so patiently for.

Rather than doing it on his own and releasing video after video on YouTube like many up and coming artists, Obama decided to take advantage of his networking ability and recruit famous billionaire and founder of Virgin Records, Richard Branson. Within minutes of the call, Branson enthusiastically accepted the opportunity to become Obamas producer and invited him and Michelle out to his private island to discuss music, strategy, and purple kush.

“Honestly, I’m honored that I was the first person he contacted about his side Hip-Hop project,” Branson said. “We’ve met a few times at galas and fundraisers, but nowhere we could really talk and let our hair down. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him but the man can really get down, slap a clown, create sound, and hit that round- if you know what I’m talking about. Ha-ha-ha.”

Obama has been developing his mix tape since his time at Columbia University, where he and his buddy “Flip” used to sit on their stoop and rap and scat until dawn on weekend nights. There are no early recordings of these primitive rap sessions, but Obama has kept a journal of all his favorite lines with him since he moved to Chicago. He would often go back and reference many of these outta sight tongue twisters before giving important speeches to calm down, and would even go as far as never leaving the White House without it from ’09-’11.

“They used to call us Flip and Obo” Obama laughed “you see, he would throw down a little beat box and I would just roll with it. For a while it was pretty impromptu, but once we started getting good at it Flip left me to start working at what he referred to as a “dank chemical plant” and I never heard from him again. He thought he was going to be producing high quality LSD, but he actually just ended up being a janitor at a chemical plant.”

Since then Obama gave up on his dream until a couple of weeks ago, when he got in contact with Branson and decided to give it a more serious go. While they do not have anything recorded yet, Obama gave us a small sneak preview of a couple of the track names. “Orange Puss” “Tiny Nips/Tiny Hands” and “Gotta’ Take a Dump” are the first three tracks of the mix tape, which Obama believes to be very eloquent, yet down to earth. His first record will be under the artist name “Obaumatron Rex” and the album will supposedly be titled “Livin’ Downstream” which will be released early this Fall.