The Statue of Liberty May Soon Have a Toupee Wearing, Overweight Mate to Look At
By Kennith Doglog
President Trump has recently been toying with the idea of adding a new tourist attraction to the New York Harbor with a statue the modern American success story: a fat, uneducated balding man who has coasted through life getting everything he’s ever wanted without question or thinking of anyone else, or himself.
The Trump administration has released a two year, $25 billion-dollar plan to build an enormous gold statue of the current president giving a thumb up to incoming tourists. The plan will be to build the statue on what is currently Ellis Island, for the Trump team feels the space is being wasted as there have never actually been immigrants that came to this country. Once completed Ellis Island will be renamed Trump Island.
The statue will be nearly three stories larger than the Statue of Liberty when finished, facing the same way she does, and will be giving a thumb up to the world with one hand and secretly flipping off the Statue of Liberty with the other. The architect will use a picture of Trump from the 1980’s to base the statue off of in an attempt to preserve the hopeful youth of the deranged tyrant.
“If we’re going to get this done soon, we’d better start now,” Trump said. “It’s going to be huge. You know those giant weirdo cat statues the pharaohs would build of themselves in Egypt, I’m thinking that but bigger with more gold. We have the money to do it, the people have told me they wanted it done, we’re going to do it.”
Surprisingly to some, the feedback has not been too negative on the idea. While no one is happy with the thought of spending such a large amount of tax payer money for something so frivolous and absurd, people are simply happy that those funds are not going towards destroying more of the country or on some pointless war we should not be in.
“Honestly it could be much worse,” Harold Hoode, a tired New York local, said. “I mean we should just humor him for a bit and let him waste all of his energy on stupid projects like this. He’ll get tired of being the president eventually, and then we can just edit the statue to make it look like George Washington or something. Sure, we’ll lose a chunk of our country’s history on Ellis Island, but it’s actually probably the best idea he’s had.”
Trump plans to start building the statue early May 2017, and demanded that the job is finished before he is inevitably exiled from the country in 2019. Many contractors are excited at the jobs it will bring, however leaked tapes reveal Trump stating that he will not pay them until the statue is finished and then never actually pay them, insisting they did not do a good job on it.