Trump Schedules a Campaign Rally for Every Weekend Until 2020

With His First Rally as President Being Such a Hit, Trump Has No Desire to Stop

By Kennith Doglog

Following his “successful” campaign rally at the AeroMod International hanger at Orlando Melbourne International Airport on February 18, 2017 (Yes, 2017), President Trump has decided that he will host a campaign rally every Saturday until he is guaranteed a victory in the 2028 presidential election.

While it does seem a bit unorthodox for a newly elected president to hold a campaign rally just a month after being sworn in, Trump has found no problems with it and even has begun denouncing his fictional rivals. Rather than simply going after the Democratic party as a whole, the Trump team has been concocting a list of who they think they will be facing in 2020. This list includes an array of people, both real and made up, from Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren to Ronald McDonald and Holden Caulfield. The plan is to slander each name on the extensive list at least a dozen times by the 2020 election.

Insiders on the Trump administration have said that the purpose of these rallies is to get the public prepared to be seeing the Trump name until well into 2032. While it is illegal for a president to run for more than two terms, Trump believes that the law is simply the liberal media lying to keep him out of power.

“It’s all a big lie,” Trump said. “This is exactly what those fake news sources want you to believe. I can, and will, be president until the day that I die. I mean, who are you gonna believe- some lunatic running around with a camera saying the ice caps are melting, or the President of the United States? If you didn’t say the president we’re going to know, and you’re going to regret it. I’ll tell you that much.”

When asked why he felt he could spend so much time on campaign rallies rather than running the country, he simply stated that it’s already screwed and there is nothing for him to do. He plans on spending his weekends playing golf and drinking Pina Coladas by the pool of whatever hotel he feels the tax payers would like him to enjoy before his campaign rallies, and the weekdays will be devoted to getting into Twitter fights with 8-year-old cancer patients.