Mitt Romney the First to Embrace Quest for Computer Overlords
By Kennith Doglog
Years after losing the 2012 Presidential election to President Obama, a discouraged Governor Mitt Romney turned away from his failed traditional conservative philosophy to embrace those of the subtly rising computer overlords.
In an unprecedented move never occurring in United States history, or even that of the world, ex-President elect Mitt Romney turned his back on the party he once believed to be his own to look towards the future in unordinary way. The Governor was sought after by startup robotics company “Robrocracy” to combine the idea of artificial intelligence with an already popular political figure. After much discussion, Romney quietly agreed and believed it to be in his best interest to embrace the machines.
The procedure took only six hours and entailed the implantation of a chip containing data collected and newly being collected through a Google-hosted database. Romney, or Mittbot as the scientists have begun to call him, now has the access and ability to process all the information Google contains in the matter of seconds. The chip inserted is also constantly updating daily, requiring him to go into sleep mode for six hours every night.
“The crazy thing is, he now knows pretty much everything he needs to not only to win an election, but bring this world to peace,” Robrocracy CEO Terrance Wilmur said. “There is no need to fact check because he is constantly fact checking as he speaks. We believe it will also be easier to introduce the cyborg party to the public with a face they already know and somewhat trust.”
However, the first steps to introduce Mittbot to the public did not go as smoothly as planned. The idea was to introduce him to children first, as most children have not yet had time to grapple with the deranged thought of one day bowing down to a computer overlord. Three children of varied age were let out into a yard with the cyborg, told that if they learned a new fact about American history they would receive free ice cream. However, the instincts of the children kicked in immediately and they were afraid to even go near the unnatural beast.
The geniuses at Robrocracy were baffled by the incident, and could not figure out why the mere sight of what looks like a genuinely stable human being terrified them so much. When asked for his opinion on the matter, Mittbot had this to say:
“There is no reason to be afraid of me. I am still a human as much as all of you are. I love my wife and my kids just the same. I hope one day the world will embrace me for what I am, and I can go on to achieve my destiny as meatbag overlord.”