Little Hope for Robots in Powering Down Job Market
By Philbert Sullivan
With the withdrawal of Andrew Puzder (CEO of CKE Restaurants) for Secretary of Labor, the future is growing more and more uncertain for an extremely small percentage of human American workers and a massive amount of robotic American workers.
Erox Odboid, head of IROBOTU (International Robot Operators Botnet Organizing Transamerica Union), was very excited to hear that Donald Trump signed executive orders making car manufacturers come back and produce cars in the U.S. While Trump touted that this would add more than 6,000 (human) jobs, Mr. Odboid pointed out that this would also create more than 500,000 new robot jobs.
This influx of jobs would bring many working-class robots who live in the literal rust belt back into the workforce. However, Odboid was saddened to hear that pro-robot labor nominee Puzder withdrew his nomination.
Most American humans with the ability to process logical thoughts were delighted to hear of Puzder’s withdrawal. The withdrawal may mean a brighter future for low-income workers, as it may be a necessary first step towards raising the minimum wage and providing American jobs to American workers. Puzder has received criticism from both the left and right for hiring illegal immigrants at his restaurants, however much of the criticism from the right stems from the fact that they were not quick enough to cloak their blatant hypocrisy and shift blunder their to another issue.
Many blue-battery robot workers are enraged by Puzder’s withdrawal. When first learning of it Cyb Corion said: “Dun dun boop boop, bop bo beep, rrrrkkkkttt, shleeeg bop beep.” Corion lives in rural Michigan, has been out of a job since 2013, and has been forced to live off used motor oil he trades out of date circuit breakers for. His outrage mirror that of many machines in his area, it will most likely be the last time we hear such vulgar statements.
After being turned off then on again, Corion expressed how he would be excited to be building new cars, even if his human slave was not appointed Secretary of Labor. He even showed signs of hope that he could buy some new motor oil from Advanced Autoparts for a fancy dinner with his wife, a GE dishwasher, one day.