Biden Caught Living Under Mike Pence’s Desk

Quick Game of Hide 'n" Seek Ends With No One Laughing

By Philbert Sullivan

Early this morning Vice President Mike Pence arrived at his office to find crazy-eyed former Vice President Joe Biden lurking under his desk. Reports say that Biden never actually left the White House after inauguration day January 20th, and has been living under the Vice Presidential Desk living off of Slim Jim's and Tang.

Pence was far from amused at the former VP’s actions as he brought nearly a dozen throw pillows from home to build a fort down there. When Biden reached out and told Pence that there was plenty of room for everyone, Pence told Biden that it was girls only and give him an interesting wink.

The road bump did not however stop Pence from continuing with his original plans for the day. He ignored Biden, who was now blowing a train whistle and wearing a conductor's hat, and began filling the desk drawers with hundreds of tombstones. When asked what the tombstones were for Pence replied, “each one of these represents a single dose of Plan B taken this year.”

After Secret Service was called, Biden finally left the White House after being lured out with promises of ice cream a free ride first class on the Acela to his home back in Delaware. Little did Biden know that the ice cream promised to him was actually the freezer bitten strawberry left in the back of the industrial strength freezer in the White House kitchen. After eating six cones in under ten minutes he just laughed at them and told them that he had been saving it since the day he moved in.

When questioned why he has been reluctant to leave, Biden responded:

“While I respect Pencey, I could not leave the White House without knowing whether or not Amtrak will continue to be funded in the Trump administration. Also let’s be real the guy is basically Satan, I feel terrible for the mahogany that will suffer through the man’s lack of coaster use. He loves the wood when it is still a tree, but as soon as it becomes a desk the guy has no heart.”